Right, let’s have a proper chat about something that’s been on my mind lately.
I was scrolling through Instagram the other day – probably when I should’ve been working, if I’m honest – and I came across this quote that properly stopped me in my tracks. “We all got a sad story. Either make it your excuse or your motivation.”
Bloody hell. That hit different.
Because it’s true, isn’t it? We’ve all been through some stuff. Some of us have been through the wringer more than others, granted, but nobody gets through life without collecting a few scars along the way.
The Stories We Tell Ourselves
I’ve got a mate – let’s call him Dave – who’s been “about to start” his own business for the past three years. Three. Years.
Whenever we have a catch-up, he’s got the same speech ready: “Yeah mate, I’m gonna do it soon. It’s just… You know, I tried something similar back in the past, and it didn’t work out. Lost a fair bit of money. The missus still brings it up sometimes.”
And look, I get it. I really do. Failing at something hurts, especially when there’s money involved, and people you care about are affected. That’s a genuine thing to process.
But here’s what I’ve noticed about Dave – and maybe you’ll recognise this in yourself too – he’s not actually processing it anymore. He’s rehearsing it. He’s turned that failure into his identity, his get-out clause, his reason for staying exactly where he is.
Safe. Comfortable. Stuck.
When Your Story Becomes Your Prison
The thing about using your past as an excuse is that it feels completely legitimate. It’s not like you’re making stuff up, is it? These things genuinely happened to you.
Maybe you grew up without much money, so you tell yourself you “don’t understand business.”
Maybe your parents always struggled financially, so you’ve decided that’s just how life works for people like you.
Maybe you tried freelancing once, and it was absolutely rubbish, so clearly you’re “not cut out for working for yourself.”
These stories feel true because they’re based on actual events. But here’s the sneaky bit – just because something happened doesn’t mean it has to define what happens next.
That’s the difference between your history and your destiny. One is set in stone. The other? That’s still being written, and you’re holding the pen.
The Twist Nobody Tells You
Want to know something mad? Some of the most successful people I’ve come across – and I mean properly successful, not just Instagram-pretend successful – have absolutely shocking origin stories.
I’m talking grew-up-in-care level of tough. Single parents working three jobs. Bankrupt by 25. Businesses that spectacularly imploded. Relationships that fell apart. Health crises. Being in serious debt, etc, the lot.
But somewhere along the way, they made a decision. A conscious choice to look at their mess and say, “Right, how can I use this?”
Not “how can I get over this” or “how can I forget this happened.” But “how can this become the thing that makes me unstoppable?”
My Own Messy Bit
I’ll be honest with you – and I don’t usually share this because it feels a bit self-indulgent – but I spent my twenties absolutely convinced I was rubbish at everything.
I wasn’t academic, so I thought I was thick. I’d started a few projects that went nowhere, so I thought I lacked follow-through. I watched everyone around me seem to have their lives sorted, whilst there’s me, wondering, what am I doing wrong?
The shift happened when I started seeing people who were younger than me, yes, that’s correct, people who were younger than me, achieving mind-blowing success, and I realised that hit the nail on the head, I had to get my act together.
I started asking different questions. Instead of “Why does nothing ever work out for me?” I started asking, “What can I do differently this time?” Instead of “I’m no good at this,” it became “I’m not good at this yet. However, I can learn this”
Small shifts. But they changed everything.
The Real Choice You’re Making
Here’s the thing they don’t tell you about that quote – about making your story your excuse or your motivation – it’s not a one-time decision. You don’t just wake up one morning, choose “motivation,” and job done.
Some days you’ll wake up feeling like you can conquer the world, ready to use everything you’ve been through as fuel. Other days? You’ll want to pull the duvet over your head and think, “What’s the point? Nothing ever works out for me anyway.”
Both of those days are normal. Both are part of being human.
The difference is what you do next. Do you let that low day become a low week, then a low month, then a low year? Or do you acknowledge it, have a bit of a sulk if you need to, and then get back to it?
Making the Actual Shift (Practical Stuff)
Alright, so how do you actually do this? How do you stop using your past as a reason you can’t and start using it as a reason you must?
Write It Out
Sounds simple, but honestly, just get it all out. Write down your “sad story” – every bit of it that you think is holding you back. Don’t edit yourself, just splurge it all onto paper or a Google Doc or whatever.
Then – and this is the important bit – go through each point and write down what it taught you. What strength did it force you to develop? What lesson did you learn? How did it prepare you for something you’re doing now?
You might be surprised. That job you got fired from? Maybe it taught you exactly what kind of work environment you need to thrive. That relationship that ended badly? Perhaps it showed you what you’re absolutely not willing to tolerate anymore.
Find Your People
If everyone around you is stuck in excuse mode, you will be too. It’s just how humans work – we’re massively influenced by the five people we spend the most time with.
You need to find people – even if it’s just online at first – who’ve been through stuff and used it as fuel. Join communities, follow people who inspire you, listen to podcasts from folks who’ve turned their mess into their message.
Their energy is catching. Honest. If you must, get yourself a mentor who has been through the journey you are going through. As they will guide you on exactly what you need to do.
Take One Tiny Action
You don’t need to have your whole life sorted before you start. You don’t need to “heal fully” or “work through all your trauma” or “feel ready.”
Just do one small thing. Start that blog. Send that email. Sign up for that course. Apply for that opportunity.
Action creates momentum. Momentum changes narratives. It’s really that straightforward.
Stop Waiting for Perfect
This is the big one. So many of us are waiting until our story is “better” before we start. Until we’ve overcome everything, processed everything, sorted everything.
But that day never comes. There’s always another thing to work through, another excuse waiting in the wings.
Start now. Start messy. Start scared. Start with your story still unfinished.
The Uncomfortable Truth
Look, I’m not going to blow smoke and tell you that changing your perspective magically fixes everything. It doesn’t.
Your difficult past still happened. The things that hurt you were real. The failures actually occurred. Acknowledging that matters.
But here’s what I know for absolute certain: staying stuck in that story, using it as your reason for not trying, for not growing, for not building the life you actually want – that’s a choice too.
And it’s a choice that guarantees nothing changes.
Five Years From Now
Think about where you’ll be in five years if you keep using your story as your excuse. Probably in roughly the same place you are now, maybe a bit more bitter, a bit more resigned, telling yourself, “Well, that’s just how life is for people like me.”
Now think about where you could be if you used that same story as motivation. If every setback became proof that you’re resilient. If every failure became a lesson. If every struggle became evidence that you’re stronger than you think.
That version of your life? That’s available too.
So What’s It Going To Be?
I can’t make this choice for you. Dave can’t make it for himself until he’s ready. Your family can’t make it. Your partner can’t make it.
This one’s on you.
Your sad story is real. But so is your potential. So is your capability. So is your right to build something better.
The question isn’t whether you’ve been through stuff – we all have. The question is what you’re going to do with it.
Are you going to let it be the reason you never try? Or are you going to let it be the reason you can’t fail – because you’ve already survived worse?
Because five years from now, you’re either going to wish you’d started today, or you’re going to be bloody glad you did.